dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
