My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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