chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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