sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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