what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
