Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
