Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
