Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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