my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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