Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
