Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
