Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
