so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
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Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
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Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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