Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
