My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
