i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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