The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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