Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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