My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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