the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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