I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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