Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
this just has baby written all over it
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
