i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
