Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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