pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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