you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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