We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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