I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize