i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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