Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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