We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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