i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize