drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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