and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
