I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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