Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
