It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Is this like a preordered booty call?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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