I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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