He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
