i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
