In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
