im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
