did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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