I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
