i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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