But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
