Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
