Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
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took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
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It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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