totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
