Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
