STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
