Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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