need another drink. this is the easiest way
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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