The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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