How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
